Too much of light yet so dark

Laxmi Pooja

The day when houses are decked with flower, lights, diyos and rangolis. What I feel is from poor to rich everyone spends money to decorate the house in every possible way from their estimated amount with the hope of making “goddess of wealth” happy and enter their house and make them richer, happier and satisfied. I was lost in my thoughts thinking how selfish people are they expect6 so much from by just decorating their house and worshipping her for one day. Someone shrieked on my ears “bhau” and my thoughts were out of my mind like migrating birds being out of sight.

Oh! I forgot to tell you he was my brother as always disturbing me for no reason. We had a good talk about our family and we went to watch television. I made tea for us and again started the talk about each other career. He shifted from sofa to bed where I was sitting and as our ritual we deed “cheers” to our tea. Suddenly, he took the tea cup from my hand and kept in table and I could notice he had kept his cup already there. I murmured I don’t like cold tea, let me drink. As always I was never listened. He pulled me a little closer, kept his hand on my shoulder and whispered “I will show you your sister-in-law’s picture“. Though I did not feel very good about his touch, I ignored it as I was excited to see the photo.

The sentence he uttered “she is hot” I did not really like it yet decided to keep quiet and look other picture of her. Suddenly, I could feel my brother’s hand over my upper private part. I was helpless and scared if it was by mistake or intentional. I ignored it for first time. After few seconds I could feel his hand on my skin and that made me so uneasy that I kept his hand in bed. I was about to stand up he grabbed my waist and said “you are no less”; I could not spare myself from him he grabbed my chest and was about to kiss. I used my hands and threw tea all over him. His hands were busy cleaning tea from his body. I took the chance and went to next room bolting the door. Since the time I cried madly everyday as I had committed the sin or that it was completely my fault as the most freaking part is he kept on knocking the door and shouting” your curvy body, big boobs and your way of wearing clothes made me do all those, you were enjoying it” . I did not expect anyone to understand. I decides it to keep it my secret as I was afraid of being misunderstood or be blamed for his behaviour. Silence …silence

 Three years later I could see him getting closer to my sister. I was afraid still colIected guts and shared everything with her. After a silence of 5 minutes she replied “he is favourite of everyone in family. He never did anything to me. I don’t understand why are you telling me this fake story,any problem with him?”

Isn’t it a common story these days? Sexual harassment, marital rape or any kind of gender based violence is very common these days and has been part of our life. Many of us are victims of it. Despite the fact it is wrong we know we need to raise voice against it either we ignore it or choose to remain silent. Whatever the reason is our fear, our prestige, our family or what so ever … … Your or my choice of not speaking up has motivated the abuser to make the other person victim of it. Want to be motivator? If not please speak-up, take action. It’s never your mistake nor have you done anything wrong. Say no to any kind of violence. “Say no to gender based violence”

Speak up! Let him or her not dare again….

Until next time




21st century Love!

We feel suprised to know our parents had relationship in past and they did love marriage! Even I was suprised to know it. I mean how could they but I am the same person who won’t be suprised knowing my brother who reads in standard 7 will have girlfriend very soon. I am also the same person who feels bad for the breakup of my friend but I take it lightly deep inside i feel love and breakup are common these days ! Searching someone who is a teenager and  also single (never ever been in relationship) is as searching brahmans who dont eat onion and garlic. Yes i dont mean they dont exist but are very rare and many of those rare person are away from internet . 

Let me site an intresting code * love these days is chat*. Lets discuss about my relationship . We go for lunch outside as soon as the food comes i dont enjoy eating it hot or warm i need to take perfect shot for instagram and facebook and i will try taking photo graphs as many times without caring for food if it gets cold or even my partner,worst part here is partner also wants the shot for instagram. Same is the situation for going somewhere with him or if he gifts me something i prefer hash tag gift hast tag love hash tag thank you in instagram rather than saying him thank you ! 

Even research shows many of the social media user have missed the important functions trying to get perfect shot or tweet to post in social media. We prefer writing a long eassy about mothers day fathers day rather thn wishing them! and if we wish them we are again dying to take perfect shot for social media.  Our love for parents can be shown in social media ?

Are you going away from truth and being driven by social media ? You needn’t need to post everything in it! Or this is the another way of making slave ! Remember slavery this way is dangerous !

Until next post 

Love! Love ! Love


Untill next time ♥


Sushma ! This name may be a normal name with for you  or the word with its meaning. And to those who dont know its meaning readers its your job do search it .But when it comes to me the name itself is the synonymous word to friendship.
Lets read a story of mine no of ours . The story of Sushma and  Pooja . I dont like to give the term best friend to us not even the non biological sister these terms are too maon stream these days ! But our friendship is not among those.
You are actually the friend I will remember when I am in problem or I am very happy .We have got the ugliest fight bt the craziest part is we could never deny the fact that we were too dependent on eachother . From not letting eachother talk with the boy we didnt like to taking revenge with back biters we have done all. From doing homework  sitting in first bench to gossiping in last bench or doing others attendence ! Quite interesting quite naughty we be when we both be together !
I never had many friend nor  I will bt among small number of friends you are among the special one …hahahaha eveyone is special because I have only half a dozen of friends… hahahahaa !
Eating too much of food  and sharing the same plate or anything or taking those things with eachothers permissions or shouting or getting jealous seeing others being close to other ….I cherish every moments with you Sushmey. Dushmey!
You have always been there for me hope when you read for CA dont let  those crapy things called books or other person you reside take my place . I know none can because I love me and I am the best ♥
Despite the fact that I will feel lonly you or some part of me would be missing I am very happy for you more than you aswell ♥ I wont wish anything but the best of all the luck and all the wishes of the world you stay happy and be CA (without getting any back)
With love

Love …?

Baby our room is too messy why dont you adrone room with curtains ! Please I am working . Mange the room aswell said my honey.
I was about to drape with curtains the view I saw was worth watching in full moon night with no other light. There was no noise in the city of noise ; no children playing nor any vechile moving just a couple not of man but of dog making love like none is watching ! Like thats their time of being one ! Like man eating food after 15 days of hunger so passionate so much of emotion could be seen ! You may see the lust in it but the way dog was biting its partner you could see how carefully it was doing !
I had question to myself  *what is love *oh love …. seems to be easy right I felt the same at first instance then I had no answer ..I asked again and again what love !
I remembered  I love momo (South asian food) I love momo because it helps me not to feel hungry ! Yes even other food do that so do I love all food no I love momo because it is makes me happy like no other.
So making happy  love ?

Then I saw baby working there I love him ! Why I love him ! I love him because he makes me feel good when I am feeling low .He cares about me . He is really supportive . He sees me beautiful even in worn and torn clothes or messy hair .
Yes overall he makes me feel the best in the world
So making some feel best is love ?

I remembered mother ; sister ; brother ; dad (family) yes baby is family but they are with me from my birth or their birth !
I love them because they care for me they help me always or I can rely on them for anything.
In short I love them because they dont selfish when it comes to me
So not being selfish is love?

I even love myself .I love myself because only after my existence other things will matter . As an empty bottle cant pour anything I cant spread love if I dont lovemyself.
In other words I love myself to make other things matter
So doing anything to make other things matter is love ?

I saw my pet comming to my room I love it aswell . I love my house aswell because all these have feeling of belongliness .

I love books from my favourite author because it makes me feel good when I read them .
So feeling good is love .

I love this .
I love that.
So thats love ?
Isnt it vauge like the universe ! To me it is ! I couldnt even make single custom definition of love like many of people do make ! Love is actually too complex in its meaning beyond our imaginations . Seems to be very easy at the begining and again so complex to explain when we try to find its meaning . Probably thats the reason *I love you * is very common breakup is very normal mostly for teenagers ! May be they be in relationship thinking like me love is too easy  and find it most difficult even difficult than remembering articles of different treaties or passing the finals of CA but its not impossible as we can see the examples of love within us ! Around us and beyond us !

I love my readers as wells 🙂 ♥

I want us to kiss everytime like the first time

Congratulations ! We made it this year aswell. Four years have been mixture of  happiness and sadness probably twin flavoured . How will a person feel when he or she realises  s/he do have* the only gem found in entire world * you are that gem to me ! Every time I say I love you , you dont even let me complete the line and  kiss me wrapping your hands around my waist. You bring me that close to you that you were never of yourselves . The gravity of attraction between you and me is much than the attraction of north amd south magnetic pole ♥
Yes, I love you ; I love the way you kiss me in the middle of the conversation in middle of the road or anything ! But the only thing I miss between us is the pressure ; tension we had when we met for the first time .I miss being  touched unknowingly by you and then staring at you like I had current attack of high volt . I miss the gesture of mixed emotions of shy and curiosity about how it feels touching the most wanted person of my life . The person with whom i have imagined thousand of fantacies and dreamed of living  life together.
That day you grabed my hair pulled me against your face I could even feel your breathe I thought you would kiss me .I was happy you made the first move I was so excited ; yes I was nervous aswell . It didnot take me a second to think I wish I had used mouth fresher I wish I brushed for  longer time ….while I was busy with all this I was distracted with your daamhot voice which said
*Gajalu, I love you!*
Now I didnot know how to react I freed myself . Although I was happy to listen I love you from you, I would have been happier to get our first kiss in french style ! I wanted to hide that disappointed look and tried to fake a smile I could not . It was clearly visible in my face . Now the nervousness  arised I was scared about your thinking towards me . She wants kisses . .. what you might of thought …..didnot you want to kiss me like other boyfriend do to their girlfriend. Again your voice brought me to real world beside you *see they are kissing eachother*
Me: every couple kiss
You: why not us ?
Me :(I could barely see him .I looked towards the couple not being able to see him .)
(had turned all red ; I was shivering a bit .) I dont know
He : Gajalu its fine if you are not comfortable
Me: (within myself I want you to kiss me why are you not kissing me common take a move ) *no reaction*
We didnot even had guts to talk ! The want of being kissed was driving me crazy
I pulled his jacket crossed my hands around  his shoulders he was shocked probably .we could feel eacothers lips ! Our lips touching eachothers lips for the first time ! Slowly you kissed my lips again and again . How wont I ; I had never been second in anything ! We had the sense of love and competition  between us who will kiss eachother more ! Suddenly I couldnot kiss his lips ( tasty one ) because his and my tongues were playing …………..we could taste eachother ……We were so much into eachother .kissing eachother like we wont have next day for that ! And we stopped  I realised I had had my eyes closed ! We could not talk simply stared at eachother ! We were shy we were happy we wanted it more … we simply read eachothers face with so many emotions ! The tension we had of being liked or not how my breathe was ; wish of using the mouth fresher ; brushing for longer time  . Eachothers reaction ! !!!!!!!!! ! And your words *you are a good kisser*
Today tommorrow or anyday I want us to kiss like we did that day with shy….. curiosity…. love ….. nervousness…… ….sexual tension …..many a stranger who dont know how eachother  taste .


Next time never comes …

please I need you ,be with me,I said with every possible ways . He was busy like the roads of kathmandu.No he was not the job holder nor he did too much of stuffs in home. he was average student with pending homeworks and  limited pocket money.

How do student treat to study…the same he did to me . Students study when they have exams or nothing else to do . Exactly like he was with me when he had nothing to do or friendless or lonly.

Every time I wanted the support or someone to hold me encourage me motivate me or make me feel I needed the faith he was not there .Many times I complained ;cried,shouted,did every single creepy things but as always  he blamed situation , bad time !

Cheers! I was not alone in any problem . I had hope  with me every time  he gave*to be with me from next time*. I know now next time never comes;something that comes is *this time *